i watched “the ugly truth” at the movies tonight and it got me thinking.

i’ve said for awhile that i don’t believe in “love”. and i stand by that conviction, and this movie has even furthered my belief, even though it is the happy ending everyone expects. (warning: stop right here if you don’t want me to ruin the movie for you)

in “the ugly truth” there is a man named mike who, like me, does not believe that people (in his case men) are capable of “love”. throughout the movie, this man and the main woman character named abby, argue over what men believe and what women believe for “love”, blah blah, and he “falls in love” with her at the end and yadda yadda. happy ending.

bullshit

“love” is not real. in my opinion, “love” is just an extension of the emotion: happy. “love” is what people have created so that they aren’t alone. fyi: you’re born into the world alone and you will leave this world alone. if people didn't lose their senses and let their emotions take over, maybe infatuation could work. i mean, as they say “love” is blind. i think “love” is an idea, a perfect idea by all means, and very romantic but in fact not true, an illusion kinda like magic. it's something for some weak people to believe in and hold onto, just to be able to get by.

i believe in lust. the idea that people can help other people um… fulfill? is that the right word? ehh… fulfill each other. i mean, creation of new life is a necessary part of existing and all that.

i mean, i "love" my family, and my dog, and my car, and my phone, my laptop, chocolate, sunglasses, shoes, books, ... how do you call something “love” when it's so generally used? what about the lack of trust, insecurities, and cheating? “love” is described as pure and nothing out there like it, and blah blah blah, yet people fall out of “love” after a breakup quite easily. i feel i can co-exist with a person, have a physical attraction to them, have respect for them, maybe even a few common interests... is that really “love”?

no

maybe it’s just that i don't believe there is someone out there who is strong enough to catch me every time i fall; other than myself that is. i don't believe in happily ever after. i don't believe in soul mates. i don't believe that “love” conquers all. actually i believe the exact opposite, “love” ruins everything.

i just don't believe in any of it. it's all bullshit. i know, i know. way to be pessimistic.

i do believe that i will settle with someone, but i won't be happy. i don't believe i will ever be happy. perhaps my negative outlook is subconsciously setting me up for failure, but i don't really believe that either.

i would enjoy your opinions :D

so much for inspiration,
and you were going to be the hero.

i'm convinced at this point that death will find me before love does.
what else is there then, besides the ease of knowing-
knowing that there is nothing.

i'm getting a little nervous.

i'm losing your face,
        your voice,
               your music,

i want to forget you, but i don't think i can
and it's not love

love is not about gender

but it's not love

i'm silently shouting to you as we speak. and i know you can here me. i know you sense it too.
these small voices in my head keep distracting me.
losing sight of what my life really needs.
and what i want.
the things they whisper are insane.

our adventure was one mistake away from the beginning and now oh, so far from an end.
i'm not giving in.

you can be the jury,
but remember me, the juducial?
i'm the judge.
don't...

please don't...
forget me